I walked into my lecturer’s classroom because I desperately needed to speak to him. I was rattled. Badly.
When I began my theological studies, I believed I knew and understood God. God felt predictable. As long as I followed the formula of fervent prayer and childlike faith, this God would respond “appropriately.” And yet, God had not responded as I so desperately needed or expected. My womb was still closed, my father’s drinking was still unmanageable, we were still struggling financially.
Was I not praying fervently enough? Was my faith not deep enough? Then one of the readings in my Theology classes, challenged my ideas of God and blew the idea of a predictable God out the window. It effectively yanked my understanding of God out from under my feet and left me feeling uncomfortable, anxious and displaced.
Those feelings led me to my lecturer’s classroom. Instinct told me he would know what to say to calm my churning insides.
“That reading you prescribed last year is still messing with my head!” I told him. “What am I supposed to do with a wild, unpredictable, dangerous God?” I practically shouted, levelling these words in staccato bursts…
This post was first published at SheLovesMagazine.com. It was my first attempt at sharing my theological reflections in the public space. It was terrifying, but liberating. If you would like to read about my understanding of God as a wild, dangerous God, click on this link.
I am reposting this on my blog so that it appears in my archives 🙂