When I started this blog in February this year, it was really my way of backing myself up into a corner. I had been challenged by a friend to start writing, but thought the idea ludicrous because I never considered myself a writer.
However, on the day I started this blog, I had written 16 pages in my journal, a cathartic experience that helped me articulate what I was feeling, and through articulating these feelings, understanding my inner world. I realized the power of what one professor explained in a workshop I attended recently; he said, “If you want to know what you are thinking, say it. If you want to know what you are saying, write it.” As I journalled that morning, I experienced just that – I figured out what I was thinking by writing it.
Part of what I also experienced that morning, was a realization of just how powerful my fear is of putting myself out there, of making an idiot of myself. Actually, through writing I have started realizing just how deep I fear being exposed. Because I am still trying to answer the question, “Who am I?” I have been afraid that others might see what I fear is the real me. And so I silenced myself until such time as I could answer the “Who am I?” question.
But now I’ve learned that answering that question requires that I actually write what I think and feel, because in doing so, I am learning who I am, what I think, what I fear, what I love, what I’m passionate about.
So this blog will be my journey into vulnerability, into learning what it means to embrace myself and to live authentically. Sometimes I’ll be purging emotions that are churning inside me, sometimes I’ll be wading through confusing thoughts in my head, and sometimes I’ll be sharing about stuff that I am concerned about, that I am learning or about stuff I am passionately advocating.
In my journey in discovering who I am, I am joined by an amazing man, my husband, Francesco. His love for me helped me understand how God loves me. His definition of our relationship speaks volumes about my love for words. He says, “In our relationship, Nicole does the talking and I do the listening.” I love him deeply and am so glad to have him as my travelling companion through life’s adventures and journey.
And so, I am inviting you to join me on this journey. Maybe it will bless you, maybe it will challenge you, maybe it will resonate with you. I would love to hear from you, to hear your words of encouragement and your constructive criticism. So here goes…